Fuel the Fire...

I love my work, but every once in a while, I go through lulls. This crazy, busy summer has challenged me to write when I don't feel like it, find inspiration where things seem hopeless, and work during life and all its hiccups. There is still a solid 9 days of writing time in July, and I just set a new record, breaking the 60 hour mark...thanks, AERA proposals...

On Friday, I got to attend my writing group for the first time all summer. I was so excited to go, but hesitant to share my work. However, I was pleasantly surprised and received such good feedback. This feedback fueled my energy and drive to continue writing. I came home after writing group excited and motivated to write for the first time in a while! Never under-estimate the power of a good group and feedback.

After writing group, I got to enjoy the company of my group at dinner. While there, a colleague said something that didn't seem important at the time but has become more and more relevant as this weekend continued. She said, "In grad school, you have to worry about yourself. You can't be overly concerned with what other people are doing or you will go crazy."

I could not agree more. Grad school can become very cut-throat and competitive. I am often amazed at the audacity of things people say and do - although, I try to remind myself that we are all under a great deal of stress and that affects our judgment. In grad school, what you put into the process is what you get out of the process and everyone has different goals. If I tried to do everything that I saw the people around me doing, I would die of exhaustion.

I have found that collaborating with others gives you more opportunities while splitting the work load. However, it is also a good idea to have a few things that are just your own. Not only does this maintain your sanity, but it allows you to separate competition.

Fuel your fire. Get feedback. Talk to your support group. Worry about yourself. :)

Healthy Competition

During the last semester I have really struggled with the idea of accountability. I like to write. I love my work. I enjoy reading. It has never been difficult for me to get motivated to complete my work - except when the word is dreary or dull. However, when I started graduate school I constantly heard that I should join a writing group and build accountability for myself. Wanting to meet the expectations of graduate school, I inadvertently joined several writing groups. Just from knowing people, I became part of these groups.

Unfortunately, my productivity plummeted after becoming part of these groups. At first they were helpful, but I quickly became engrossed in the competition of the groups. Who could do more? Who did "enough"? The goal of the groups seemed to focus more on showing off rather than actual work (whether this is true or not is open to discussion, but this was my perspective). Soon I began to dread the groups and would avoid them. Only one group really kept me motivated, but I had trouble making it to those group meetings. I felt isolated. When I worked alone, I was VERY productive and enjoyed the work more. What was wrong? Was I doing something that needed changing?

After speaking with a trusted professor, I tired a few new strategies. Rather than using accountability groups that I did not draw motivation from, I relied on an accountability partner who I trusted. A healthy, natural competitiveness had evolved with this person, but neither of us had the negative feelings associated with competition. We could be happy for each other's successes and it made each of us want to achieve more. Through this competition, I was able to still write for a total of 54.6 hours during the month of June. That was amongst traveling every weekend, a family emergency, presenting at a conference, and submitting a manuscript! I'm so relieved and feel inspired again.

Accountability groups are important to success in academia, however, as a wise professor told me "when they cease to be beneficial, no matter the reasons, you have to get out". Finding a group that matches your goals, work style, and personality is one of the most important factors in accountability group success.

Accomplishment Lists > To-Do Lists

I love lists. I make lists every day - grocery, to-do, done, dreams, places I want to visit, books I need to read, songs to download. It goes on and on and on. The note feature on my iPad is littered with lists.

Almost a year ago, I started making to-do lists for each week and sharing them with my accountability group. The list held my goals and aspirations for the week; the things I wanted to get accomplished. Soon, however, I felt like the lists became a competition. Who could get more done? Who could get the most done? If my list only has three things on it, is that ok? I became very discouraged by the list. In an effort to remedy my waning enthusiasm, I started making daily lists instead of weekly lists. I was able to accomplish more this way, but I would go through days thinking, did I do anything? What did I accomplish? Sometimes, especially when working on large projects, it is difficult to see the results of our labors. We can't see progress as it is occurring  even though it is there.

Recently, I've changed tactics yet again...I'm not making accomplishment lists! I still have my long to-do list with aspirations, but each day, in my journal, I title a page "June 9th Accomplishments" (clearly the date changes each day). I don't write on this list what I want to accomplish, I write what I actually accomplish. AFTER, and only after, I complete a task, no matter how large or small, it goes on the list. That may be sending an email, editing one page of a paper, reading a chapter, updating my blog, walking the dog, whatever it is. Each day, I am then able to reflect on what I did rather than what I wanted to do but fell short on. It is such a relief and I can see how my projects are moving forward.

What did you accomplish today? Make an Accomplishment List and see how it goes! :)

Creating in the Middle

One of the greatest struggles for academics is balancing life and work.  I see this struggle already among graduate students and the lingering question follows us constantly: how can we enjoy the important things in life (family, friends, "the little things", our hobbies and interests) without sacrificing work?  A recurring theme has happened this week that might shed some light on answers to this not-so-rhetorical question.

Thank you to a wonderful professor who sent me a book chapter about creating in the middle this week!  This chapter gave some tips for meditating in order to focus on the task at hand, even when distractions surround you.  As I read the chapter, I realize that I do many of these things already when I am trying to focus myself, but it was great to have a vocabulary and resource to reference!

I'm currently reading Writing Places: The Life Journey of a Writer and Teacher by William Zinsser.  Last night, I came across a part of his book where he says that he never let his writing interfere with his life.  He never wrote in the evenings or on weekends - that was family time.  I loved reading that even a well respected professor and educator created boundaries for keeping work and life separate.

Currently, I am struggling with this divide.  I feel constant guilt at not giving my family and friends the attention they deserve due to my career aspirations.  I feel an equally strong tug to indulge in my interests, which are many and diverge from graduate school and work.

May has been a particularly challenging month, but I feel it has been my chance to prove I can "create in the middle".  It is almost the end of May, but I still have two celebrations left.  After 5 birthdays, 1 anniversary, 1 dissertation defense, finals, graduations, and other celebrations, I am relieved to see my writing log.  I haven't felt like I have worked this month at all because I have been so busy with the personal side of life.

Of the 31 days in May, I have been gone from my home for 16 of those days to visit other people for life celebrations.  I have to admit it has been fun, but how is anyone supposed to be productive?  Well, to continue Zinsser's Writing Places theme, I have written: at the beach, in a car (a lot!), late at night on friends' couches, in the country, and outside a movie theater.  This month, I have written in 8 different cities in Texas.  My writing log shows I have written over 40 hours this month (which is triumph all by itself!), and I have finished several large-scale tasks.

I don't claim to have it all figured out, and I certainly don't claim to know how to consistently create in the middle of life.  However, after this month, I feel I am well on my way to better understanding how to manage life and career.  May has been fun.  I was productive.  Best of all, I don't feel guilty for playing so much! :)

Please don't throw tomatoes at me...

...unless you mean Pomodoro!

Surprise, surprise, I have another confession.  Clearly, this blog is becoming the place where I atone for my misbehaviors as a writer, most often stemming from my stubbornness.  Anyway, for the past year, I have heard colleagues refer to a writing technique called "Pomodoro".  This technique is a way to monitor writing time without reaching the burnout stage.  (More information can be found here.)  The basic idea is to write for 25 minutes then take a 5 minute break.  After a few cycles of this, a 15 minute break is given.

Like I said, I've seen colleagues use this technique, but I never put much faith into it.  I've even worked beside colleagues who were using this technique and refused to play by the rules.  This past week, I attended a four-day writing workshop that once again mentioned this Pomodoro strategy.  Something in the way the instructor presented it struck a chord with me.  I thought, "hmm...that's interesting, maybe I'll try it."  I've tried it 3 times since then (including currently) and I love it!  Why do I now love it, you ask?  Simple.  I am a multitasker and this strategy allows me to be more efficient and do more!  (I'm not sure if that is the intended purpose of the strategy but it works for me!)

On Thursday, my house had reached cataclysmic levels of filth.  Something had to be done, but alas, I had writing to do!  I set the Pomodoro timer to 25 minutes and wrote.  During the five minute break, I thought, "hey, I can clean a few counters in 5 minutes," which is exactly what I did.  Then, I wrote for 25 more minutes.  During the next break, I said, "I can sweep part of the floor in 5 minutes".  This continued for 4 hours!  By the time I had finished, I had written extensively, finished my writing to-do list, and cleaned both bathrooms in my house!  It was magic.

The second time I tried Pomodoro, I took care of tedious little tasks I dislike like paying bills online, responding to emails, and such.  Once again, I got all my writing done (plus some extra) and completed the mundane tasks I don't like.  Today, I am integrating mini workouts with my writing.  Write for 25 minutes, workout for 5.  This appeals to my love of writing and dislike for working out but gets both things done.

As always, writing strategies amaze me.  The benefits of having a set writing time, using new strategies, and having a support system to guide me through the process really are the difference between success and failure.

Revised Food Pyramid

I have a confession: I have never considered myself a good writer.  I failed my 4th grade TAKS writing exam because I couldn't pass the written portion.  I distinctly remember being taught how to write in a remedial summer class when I was 17.  It was a glorious moment.  Sun rays fell from the sky.  The Rocky theme song played in the background.  I was one happy girl.

As a member of the Millenial Generation, success is fleeting and instant gratification are necessary to my progress.  I came to college, focused on English rhetoric, and became a creative writer.  When I entered my doctoral program, I once again faced obstacles in writing.  Academic writing scared me.  No flourish?  No exaggeration?  No sarcasm?  :(  Intensive writing training became my future, and I have since learned a thing or two.

Since I have learned some of the nuances of academic writing and have improved as a writer, I find myself needing to write.  When I don't write for a day or two, something twitchy starts happening in my eyes and fingers, and I get this deep-rooted anxiety.  It isn't the same anxiety I used to get of "oh no, that paper is already due!?!"  It's more like a "oh no, I skipped lunch and my body needs nourishment!"  Once I sit down to write, whether it is for academic or personal purposes, I instantly feel better.  My soul has been fed.  My writing nourishment for the day is complete.

In hopes of continuing on my writing journey, I've been reading William Zinsser's Writing to Learn for the past month.  Two quotes have really spoke to me: 

1. "Writing can get into the corners that other teaching tools couldn't reach."
2. "Revising helps the students to rethink."

These quotes sum up why my brain now needs writing daily.  First of all, writing allows me to reach places in my thinking, analyzing, critiquing, and planning that I could not get to alone.  Secondly, the process of editing, or revising, my writing forces me to rethink.  I must constantly prove to myself why things are correct or not correct.  

A wise researcher once said, "good writing is good teaching".  I am fortunate to dedicate my writing abilities to some teachers who helped me realize what I could accomplish with healthy writing habits.  Writing takes me places I could not go alone.  Writing allows me to explore.  Writing opens my soul to the world around me.  Writing bridges the gap between what I read and what I think.  Writing is powerful. 

Thanks to Zinsser's book, my great teachers, and a need to write daily, I have constructed the following letter to be sent to the USDA.  Writing should be part of a healthy life!

Dear USDA,

I am writing to propose an amendment to the current dietary guidelines for Americans.  I feel that an important component of daily nourishment is missing from the standards: writing.  Please consider including a daily dose of writing in the revised guidelines.

Sincerely, 
Concerned, but not-writing-malnourished graduate student

Location, Location, Location!

Grad school is monotonous sometimes.  It is fast-paced, but that speed does not always mean the requirements are new, interesting, or engaging.  Oftentimes along this journey, I feel run-down, overwhelmed, and disenchanted.  I have to remind myself that if it were easy, everyone would do it.  But, how can I temporarily overcome the bored, lackluster feelings so I can be productive?

To compound these feelings, I have lost enthusiasm for my favorite coffee shop.  I have loved this coffee shop for years, but it has become too popular, too unreliable, and too familiar.  While I love routines, I also have a longing for change to keep my brain stimulated.  Now, when I go to my favorite coffee shop, I see too many people I know, I find that the wireless Internet connection is hit or miss, and I just feel "blah" about the whole excursion.

Many of my grad school friends have gotten into the habit of telling each other when we are going to work in order to maintain accountability.  I have to admit, that while this started off positive for me, it is yet another thing that has made me less productive.  I'm an introvert.  I need my space and quiet time.  Yesterday, I felt very unmotivated and decided to try a mini experiment to squelch some of my negativity and concerns during this crazy-busy time.  I went to work at a new place and didn't tell a soul where I was headed.  It turned out to be the most productive three-hour time slot I have had in a long time.  I accomplished my entire daily to-do list, was completely motivated, and enjoyed my work.

Sometimes, motivation comes in the oddest forms.  For me, it was location.  A new location.  Fresh ideas.  No interruptions.  I got to work my own way, in my own style without the constant, unchanging eyes of my peers watching and judging that I am accomplishing enough.  It was pure bliss.  I feel that this experiment will be continued later this week with a new location - until I find a new permanent place.  Hopefully, it will serve coffee. :)